Asking girls out is hard! But don’t fret. We’ve put together a series of guides on how to talk to women, and each is geared at a specific kind of girl.

After all, you don’t use a hammer on a screw (wait. do you? that might explain why your paintings don’t hang well) so you don’t want to use the same method to pick up every single girl. You gotta mix it up!

Here’s how to land the sporty gal of your dreams.

Never wear a shirt. Athletic girls do not go for fatties. How else is she going to know that you don’t have a man girdle (otherwise known as a truss by delusional fat assholes) on if she can’t see it clearly.

Do not ever wear a shirt. If you do have to wear one, be sure that it is mesh, or one of those tank tops that have the straps all stretched out so that your strapping chest is barely covered.

Spot her. With her tiny female frame and X chromosomes, she will be unable to lift heavy objects effectively.
Offer to help her, emphasizing her frailty and your overwhelming masculinity. Be careful though: if you drop a weight on her and kill her, you will not be able to date her.

Beat her at things. Challenge her to any given sport and then beat the living tar out of her at it.

She might play some girl sport like lacrosse or softball or competitive shopping, so be sure to bring your A game.

You are still a man, however.

You cannot lose to a girl. There isn’t much need to practice since she’s weak and frail, but you might want to at least take a glance at the rule book to make sure that you’re beating her.