Dating sites are a dime a dozen, which has depreciated the value of the profiles on them to roughly .0001 cents. You got to stand out in the crowd if you want to snag a date.

The best way to do so is to have a catchy headline that will cause a woman to instantly email you, if not offer to financially support you through your golden years.

Here are a few headlines that will help you land the lady of your dreams, or at least one that will suffice until you find one that’s a lot better.

Look at me. I am an artist.

• No, really. That’s not hair dye.
• I would love to find a woman who understands how to make a pie.
• Don’t you hate online dating? Me too. I am so different from these other guys.
• Click here for a free prescription for C1al1s!
• If wangs were internet companies, you could call me Google.
• I just don’t want to die alone, and you don’t either.
• My parents are pressuring me to have children. You must have childbirthing hips.
• I already stalked you last night, so might as well find out who stole all your mail.
• Persons on this profile may be larger than they appear.

Do you have a great headline? Then why are you on this site? Shouldn’t you be talking to your girlfriend?